When I grow up and have children I want to have one boy and one girl. I already have their names picked out. I am going to name my son, Apollo, and my daughter, Beyonce.
Obviously, I hope that my wife is named Paula Deen, but I’m still open to meeting another woman who I may or may not love just as much.
Tough to sleep tonight, Adam keeps knocking on Ders’ door, asking when he can sleep in ‘his room’… Guess I’ll throw on Taken again, see if that helps me sleep.
Hey, Adam, I think this is a little much. Iknow we talked about switching rooms, but that was when they were just 4 walls, a floor, a ceiling, maybe a fan, some windows, and closets. Now, they’re our ROOMS.
I wouldn’t trade my room with anyone, it’s where I think, sleep, meditate, pray, create, and hell, do everything but use the bathroom. If I had a plumbing set up, I’d probably never leave, hell, I’ve used the outside window in a pinch a few times, you probably both remember that time I did when Ders’ parents were visiting and I didn’t know they were in the hot tub.
You two can keep fighting over who said what, and who said it when, and who sleeps where. But you’re starting to divide the cubicle, and worse, the house. The Titans of Friendship don’t hold grudges— they hold each other’s head’s up, when they need it.
This is me, telling you you need it. So go get it. I’ll tell you both to read this when you get back from the bathroom, and the secret smoke-spot, respectively.
Depends, does the strip club serve booze, or just juice?
Actually, it doesn’t matter, the prevailer is man, since the dinosaurs were wiped out by that comet.
I know, it’s weird seeing the Turtles as just Dudes.
Started drinking Irish Sangria — that’s white sangria mixed with dashes of Green Apple Pucker and Jameson, to taste, and I taste a lot of it— and blacked out before I could see who won between Ders and Adam in their phone number get-off.
Totally forgot about it until now, so I think Ders won because when I asked Adam, he just said “It doesn’t matter, we all had fun that night”, which is code for Adam did something poorly.
And I caught him taking pictures of my room this morning, which is weird, because normally he just takes the Hulk Hogan: Ultimate Anthology and gives it back when he’s done. Anyway.
Totally feel better, hangover gone. In the ‘Vo now, gonna get into it tonight at the old Black Bear.
Should be fun since Adam and Ders bet each other over who could get more phone numbers… not sure what they put on the line, but the last time they tried this they got in a fistfight over whether or not Ders was cheating by using the bump app and accidentally knocking into people. My money’s on Adam, I think he wants it more.
Those who know me well know that I am a romantic at heart. Sometimes my thoughts can become so consumed by love that I can’t focus on much else. This has been the case ever sine I started watching “Paula’s Home Cooking” on The Food Network. To put it simply: she is my ideal woman and I want…
What’s with my cubicle brothers acting like SISTERS today? First Ders and his lady shoes, now you profess your love for the Pillsbury Doughboy’s Aunt?
Megan Fox is a crush. Kim Kardasshian, Katie Perry, Rihanna, Meela Kunis, they get my bacon frying, not Pauleen-whoever. Come on guys, get it together!
Don’t even, Adam. You watched the entire block of “Paula’s Home Cooking” that Saturday we were stranded at the house because Ders wanted to go to that lame museum.
You said she was lovely, eloquent, and hella sexy. You called her “A pile of butter I want run my corn through.” Didn’t sound like you were repulsed by her then, huh?
Watch your walk, friendo, you might wander on to the train tracks if you’re not careful.
Those who know me well know that I am a romantic at heart. Sometimes my thoughts can become so consumed by love that I can’t focus on much else. This has been the case ever since I started watching “Paula’s Home Cooking” on The Food Network. To put it simply: she is my ideal woman and I want to spend the rest of my life by her side.
Her qualities are too numerous to list, but here are a few of the things that I love about her:
Paula you have charmed my heart, my soul and my palate. I attempted to make jambalaya last night using your recipe and while it wasn’t exactly a home run, it did make feel closer to you in both body and spirit.
I know that you are happily married and frankly the story of how you and your husband met brought a tear to my eye. He is a very charming man and you guys are pretty much the perfect couple. I wish you nothing but the best and I hope that someday our chakras can align, if not now then perhaps in heaven.
Love,
Blake
Whoa, that’s a great call. Can’t believe I missed it. Consider it added… and you know, I’ve been thinking about a whole new movie list system, this might be what tips the boat over.
Don’t believe me about the STD connection to Armadillos, Blake? Here’s my proof, over 3 MILLION hits of it.
Just makes you think what Karl’s got running through his landfill of a central nervous system.
Ders, you told me to come to you if I needed to get tested, no questions asked. I need you to take me to the free clinic, As Soon As Possible.
No, this is not so I can go to that awesome do it yourself yogurt place again. Yes, I realize you said if I kept crying wolf, the wolf would come and it would burn when I pee. It burns, Ders, and last month I carried Stevie Ray Vaughn around like he was a football and I was Ahman Green, and, well, let’s just go soon.
Ders, he’s totally lying, he told me earlier he wanted to go to the do it yourself yogurt place tonight, tomorrow at the latest, but didn’t want to take the bus.
Can’t say he’s lying about the armadillo-football thing, though, I saw him do it and at the time it was pretty cool. Come to think of it, Stevie Ray Vaughn was pretty freaked out over the whole thing, could be why he ran away. Despite that hard shell, ‘Dillo’s are fragile creatures.
For as long as I can remember I have had two dreams: to become Jean Claude Van Damme’s adopted son and to fly. I definitely thought the first one would be a piece of cake, but for some reason JCVD never responded to the hundreds of letters and telegrams I sent him over the years. Not to be discouraged, I focused my efforts toward my other dream - flying. Ders always told me that I was an idiot for wanting to fly. “There are some birds that can’t even fly, what makes you think you’ll be able to?” he always said.
I could always just get get on a blimp or buy a jetpack, but that’s not how I roll. it seemed like there weren’t any other options until one day at work when I stumbled on this video.
I couldn’t get any work done the rest of the day. All I could think about was putting on one of those wing suits, jumping off a cliff and flying. I did a little more research on wingsuit flying. Turns out you need to do 200 free fall skydives before you can do one wingsuit jump. I called a local skydiving place and that’s when I discovered that skydiving is REALLY expensive. I did the math and I’ll need to raise $55,000 to pay for the 200 skydives, a plane ticket to New Zealand (where I’ll do my first wingsuit jump), money for a youth hostel and food and also this cool sleeping bag.
I started a Paypal account and normally I don’t like soliciting people for money, but when it’s for something this awesome I can make an exception. Please help make my dream come true.
